Happy Valley Hate: MLM Mecha
“MLM’s are God’s way of proving the just from the unjust. Only those most deserving of blessings get the biggest downline. It’s an inverted funnel system. Where the man at the top craps on everyone else and they applaud him while giving him their money.”
MLMs (Multi-Level Marketing Companies) are basically legal pyramid schemes. The "main" difference between MLMs and pyramid schemes is with a pyramid scheme is someone is supposed to make money off of selling a product rather than just getting rich off the sucker working below them in the pyramid. It's basically trickle-down economics in reverse. The people at the bottom throw money to the people above them until the guy at the top has run out of nets to hold all the cash raining all over him. MLMs keep trying to rebrand themselves as not being pyramid schemes and are taking creative measures. Like tipping the pyramid to it's side to show the flow of cash basically being sucked into a funnel. Yet the flow of cash is always referred to as a "down-line" rather than a "cash grab funnel" or something honest like that.
Like most marketing companies, MLMs have broken into the social media scene (like a decade late but whatever works). So now my facebook feed is filled with products sold by people who don't want to get regular jobs. Because they don't want to work the 9-5 I have to be punished by seeing their sales promotions for:
Cheaply made clothing
Essential oils
Makeup & lipstick
Diet scams (pills, wraps, more oils)
Candles
The best part about all this crap is that it can be purchased at any regular retail store (or in most cases also Walgreens), yet their product has some magical properties that make it better than something you could buy at target. As if their products were created by a group of ancient elves and then blessed by Jesus himself. Yet the products are quite the opposite, most of them are made overseas in a sweatshop of some kind and then cursed by the devil himself.
The reseller (commonly referred to as an "MLM MOM") will claim that their product will work wonders and solve all of your problems, much like the snake oil salesmen of old. I'm just glad I live in a day and age where I can buy something directly off of the internet and have the product delivered to my house, or from some jackass I went to high school with.
So what does this have to do with Happy Valley? Everything! Happy Valley is the MLM Mecha of the world. Many MLMs are based within Happy Valley due to Utah's laxed business laws (which allows these pseudo pyramid schemes to work). Not only are the companies based there, but many sellers are too. It's not enough for these people to have an ongoing garage sale that seems to last for eternity, they have to have yet another side hustle. They are totally sold on the "be your own boss" & "own your own business" bullshit MLM recruiters love to pitch.
I've had the "pleasure" of having several MLM companies as clients. I can honestly say it was one of the worst things I've experienced in my life. The people that run those things are much like their reps, they have no real concept of business. They're just assholes who act like they know what they're doing but when you call out something that's foreign to them (like I don't know, laws) they get upset and begin attacking you in the most personal way possible. When I was working with MLMs at my former job I was miserable. I was sleeping 12 hours each night because the stress level from dealing with them as so intense. It's not that they had pressing matters, it's just they were assholes who treated people like shit. I eventually quit that job. It was so terrible I didn't even give a two week notice. I told my boss I was done and walked away.
The other thing about MLMs that makes them unbearable is they are full of shady business practices. Utah has very laxed business laws, thus attracting MLMs to Happy Valley (similarly this is also the same way flies are attracted to shit). My favorite thing involving MLMs and shady practices is when reality (or in most cases the government) catches up to them. Here's one example of an MLM that has a huge amount of Reps in Happy Valley known as lularoe. They are currently being sued for 1 Billion dollars. Herbalife is another fun one who ended up sending checks to 350,000 victims to their bullshit. My favorite is when MLMs fight each other, young living & doterra are both essential (snake) oil companies that commonly like to meet up in the courtroom.
But back to the real reason I am writing about this, the fact that the reps are annoying. My Facebook feed has become polluted with MLM garbage. It doesn't matter how many friends I block, remove, or unfollow the crap seems to rise to the top. My question to those people is simply this? For making an average of $50 a month and alienating your friends and family, while hearing promises of cruise rewards; is it worth it? - MCS1
