Happy Valley Hate: Caffiene at byu
During my time living in the hell that is known to most as Provo, I had to attend many student housing fairs on behalf of my previous employer. Which means we had to go BYU campus and tell students why living at our BYU approved apartment complex was better than living at other BYU apartment complexes (to be fair it actually was better with us than others, but I digress). When lunch time would roll around we would take a break from dealing with snotty righteous students and go eat. We would take a stroll to the cafeteria area and the drink selection always made me laugh.
Yes, all sodas had no caffeine in them. In Mormon culture caffeine used to be considered a borderline subject. Some people say you could have it, others said it was the devil's water and it would bring back the bubonic plague. The Mormon church even came out with a statement saying caffeine is okay. But BYU (being the holier than tho, never changing, beacon of stupidity that they are) decided not to stock their soda machines with soda that has caffeine. Numerous requests came from students to do so over the years, and obviously, they were denied. Had I been a student there I would've petitioned for a Starbucks personally.
But one day that all changed... On September 21st 2017 the virtue signal at BYU dimmed and caffeine rolled into campus. BYU officially joined every other college in the United States and now sold caffeine. I took the liberty of making a list of things that BYU still doesn't have that most colleges do:
Spring Break
Beards
Coffee
A co-ed dorm (outside of married housing)
Condom dispensers in their housing
Dignity
Here's what bothers me about the whole thing. Some BYU kids are gonna take this chance to virtue signal like crazy. There weren't many things I hated more than going to church hearing about how terrible it is to not eat meat and drink caffeine. In Provo, those two things are so culturally equal to someone committing murder. Okay, it's not that bad, but it's heavily frowned upon. And being a vegetarian who loves coke, people loved to use me as an example of they were better than me because they had a different diet. *rolls eyes*
What also bothers me, Provo is a thriving college town that shuts down about 9 o clock. It has a terrible party scene as well. There are like very few bars and if you go to BYU, you likely aren't going to any of these bars. There's a restaurant that serves sugar in excess called Sodalicious. It serves snacks and mixtures of different sodas (that have caffeine). Not to detract too much from caffeine at BYU, but how come within the culture caffeine is so evil yet this place that sells caffeinated beverages is like one of the places that Provo kids can't shut the fuck about!?!?
In addition to BYU kids on twitter saying that BYU allowing caffeinated drinks is "historic", BYU Idaho so far is not letting up. Their holding to the "we're still better than BYU Provo (even though we are seen as the backup BYU school), by continuing to hold to their caffeine ban. I'm glad there are people there like Tanner who started Day of Coke at BYU Idaho. At least that way some of those kids can experience caffeine on campus. - MCS1
